Once again, our demented colleague at the Interplanetary Fast Earth
Society has completely misrepresented Fast Earth doctrine.
A little elementary physics should demonstrate that it would take
way, way too much energy to move the Earth into a 100-day orbit,
not to mention the inconvenient fact that in transit it would smack
into Venus. (Or does Mr. McGlorken also propose speeding up Venus,
as well, we ask?) And you're worried about the global warming effect
now -- well, just wait until we're close enough to the sun for a
hundred day orbit. Ever think about that, Mr. McGlorken? Of course
not.
No, the TRUE FAST EARTH doctrine, as advocated by our society, is
to strap the rockets onto the equator of the Earth, and spin it up
until there are exactly 1000 days in the year! No inconvenient
interplanetary encounters to worry about -- just a nice round decimal
number to build our calendars on. The new days would be about 8.76
old hours long, but we will of course fix that by declaring a
new hour: the deciday (52.56 old minutes), which divides the new day
exactly into 10 units. It would of course, be divided into 10 millidays.
The milliday would be the approximate time it takes to go to the
bathroom or get a cup of coffee. And there would be the advantage
that when someone says, "Wait a milliday," no one would expect the
answer quite as fast as they used to for "Wait a minute."
All dates will commence exactly when the rockets cease firing, so
that thereafter all Universal Fast Earth Time dates will simply
be a decimal number of days. And you can read off the year by simply
shifting the decimal point 3 places left and dropping the remainder:
234567.89 will be day 567 of year 234, at .89 o'clock!
No need for months, so we can leave our lovely moon right where it
is in the sky, lighting lovers' eyes.
Our society is already investing in the bioengineering that will be
required to reset everyone's Circadian rhythms.
Viva la decimal system!
Down with odd slices of time!
Up with TRUE Fast Earth doctrine!
Fuzz McWhiskers
President, True Fast Earth Society
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.1.2 : Tue Jul 10 2001 - 17:20:47 EDT