| || \ __/__ | | _/_ | || /
| _|_ ,--, / \ /_ | -+- / --- | /
| V T_) | | | \ | | | / _
\_/ T / \ / __/ | / --- \_/ L/ \
---- Alain LaBonté <alb@riq.qc.ca> wrote:
> Actual author unknown (anonymous)...
>
> Enjoy!
>
> Alain
> _____________________________________
> >NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
> >
> >To the citizens of the United States of America,
> >
> >In the light of your failure to elect a President
> of the USA and thus
> >to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the
> revocation of your
> >independence, effective today.
> >
> >Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume
> monarchial duties
> >over all states, commonwealths and other territories.
> Except Utah,
> >which she does not fancy.
> >Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair,
> MP for the 97.85% of
> >you who have until now been unaware that there is
> a world outside your
> >borders) will appoint a minister for America without
> the need for
> >further elections. Congress and the Senate will
> be disbanded. A
> >questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine
> whether any of
> >you
> >noticed.
> >
> >To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency,
> the following
> >rules are introduced with immediate effect:
> >
> >1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford
> English Dictionary.
> > Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation
> guide. You will be
> >amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing
> it. Generally, you
> >should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
> Look up vocabulary".
> >Using the same twenty seven words interspersed
> with filler noises such
> >as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and
> inefficient form of
> >communication. Look up "interspersed".
> >
> >2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will
> let Microsoft know on
> >your behalf.
> >
> >3. You should learn to distinguish the English and
> Australian accents.
> >It really isn't that hard.
> >
> >4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast
> English actors as the
> >good guys.
> >
> >5. You should relearn your original national anthem,
> "God Save The
> >Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1.
> We would not want you
> >to get confused and give up half way through.
> >
> >6. You should stop playing American "football".
> There is only one kind
> >of football. What you refer to as American "football"
> is not a very good
> >game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there
> is a world outside your
> >borders may have noticed that no one else plays
> "American" football. You
> >will no longer be allowed to play it, and should
> instead play proper
> >football. Initially, it would be best if you played
> with the girls. It
> >is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will,
> in time, be allowed
> >to play rugby (which is similar to American "football",
> but does not
> >involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds
> or wearing full kevlar
> >body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get
> together at least a US
> >rugby sevens side by 2005.
> >
> >7. You should declare war on Quebec and France,
> using nuclear weapons if
> >they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were
> not aware that there
> >is a world outside your borders should count yourselves
> lucky. The
> >Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is
> French for "shit".
> >
> >8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November
> 8th will be a new
> >national holiday, but only in England. It will be
> called "Indecisive
> >Day".
> >
> >9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are
> crap and it is for your
> >own good. When we show you German cars
and German music?
, you will
> understand what we
> >mean.
> >
> >10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving
> us crazy.
> >
> >Thank you for your cooperation.
> >
> >Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
>
>
___________________________________________________________________
Get your own FREE Bolt Onebox - FREE voicemail, email, and
fax, all in one place - sign up at http://www.bolt.com
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.1.2 : Tue Jul 10 2001 - 17:21:15 EDT